Food for the body, food for the soul...

Food fuels the body, but what's even more fascinating is the cultural and social phenomenon of food. Think about it...when's the last time...You got together with friends, family, or coworkers and food or drink wasn't involved? Had a bad day at work or a hard time with your significant other and splurged on a guilty indulgence? Wanted to speak with someone and it happened over dinner? Food not only brings people together, it's a catalyst for comfort and conversation.

Last night I had a great conversation with mom. And yes....just as you were thinking...it occurred while we were cooking dinner. The catalytic power of food!

The last year I have spent the majority of my time doing one of two things: hanging out with my dog and coaching soccer. As much as I love my dog, she wasn't the topic of conversation last night, which means there is only one other option...soccer!

It's been nearly 3 years since I decided to hang up the cleats. Other than watching an occasional game, I swore I was done....no playing, no coaching. But never say never! A move back to California, bills to pay, and much needed money to save, and I found myself back on the field to coach.

Anyone who's been deeply involved in the game has heard of the "itch" or the "bug." I had the deep conviction that in 18 years of playing the game, my "itch" had run its course. I had won National Championships, received a college scholarship, played on every team at every level that I had dreamed of as an 8 year old little girl, traveled the world, and made friends for life. The game had given me experiences of a lifetime. But what I had failed to realize until last night was that the game gave me my life.

From the moment I stepped onto the field as a child, it became my solace. It was the only place in my life where the haunting hurt and judgement couldn't follow. When everything else in life was spinning out of control, soccer was my straight and narrow. The one thing I could always depend on that never let me down. My solace became my greatest success, my direction in life, my identity.

What I realized last night was that the last 2 and half years truly haven't been any more difficult than any other period of time in life. It's that this time around I have no solace to turn to. My solace, my success, my direction, my identity are gone; held forever captive between white lines and a goal post.

Lady of Fame

Invisible by the light of day,

belittled, ignored, or pushed away.

By daylight's shine she is no name,

overlooked, indiscernible, just a common dame.

What little do the others know,

the break of night begins her show.

Into the dark spotlight she glides,

with a man close in stride.

A father, a doctor, a husband, a judge,

consumed by her spell with one easy nudge.

No longer lost without a name,

by night she is a lady of fame.

Surrounded by the dark of night,

for those who can afford she feels right.

Fright of Night

By the dark of night to write,

of the troubles thy heart does fright.

Disenchanted, incredible, or in between,

worried of falling short to be thou queen.

Heart from onyx, heart from pearl,

yet will obsidian make thou twirl.

Here today, work tomorrow,

absence brings thy sorrow.

By the dark of night to write,

until the night troubles no longer fright.

Image by: Chris Addams at http://chrisaddams.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Moon-112614050

Torn Scared

Longing to fly, scared to jump.

Dreams to gain, hope to loose.

Mountains to mole hills, mole hills to mountains.

Persist to success, or fall to doom.

Transmute to alchemy, or abide to mediocrity.

As I was cleaning the kitchen today, I began to contemplate the ups and down of life. I realized...

1. Happiness isn't determined by where your feet are; it's where your heart is.
2. God doesn't hurt you, people do.
3. It's not until you come to a fork in the road of life, that you realize you missed all the roadside scenery.
4. Pick a flower, it dies in days. Grown a garden, it lives a lifetime.
5. When it comes down to it, there are really only two choices in life: hold on and suffer, or let go and live.

Photo by: Decision Point Digital Art by Jim Coe

Tears of pain, tears of joy...

I'm not really sure where to even start. But the one thing I quickly learned when I first started to journal was just write...and the beginning will begin. I've been kinda m.i.a this week from my blogging. My absence has been due to a combination of things but in a quick synopsis of how it's all personally felt out...frustrated, poor, and a loser. Not exactly what you would call a feel good time. However, one can only wallow in self-pity for a brief period of time. Enough was enough...I decided it was time for me to write a little and write out my pity. After all, the only person accountable for your attitude is yourself and I needed to change my attitude!

I logged into my blogger account and began to scroll through some of my fellow bloggers' posts. I saw that my girl had posted something new, so of course I had to take a peek. Words can't truly begin to express the impact her words had.

It's been nearly 2 years of personal trials and tribulations saturated with more failures than successes, more disappointments than discoveries, more endings than beginnings, and more painful tears than joyous ones. Until tonight, my recent, abrupt past felt overwhelmingly like a disappointment, an ending, all and all a huge failure; every reminiscent flooded with painful tears. But for the first time tonight, my heart smiled and wept joyous tears about that all too fleeting past.

"God has not called us to see through each other, but to see each other through."

Thank you for seeing me through...